Strung
Some days I wish I could have a do-over. I wish I could go back and erase all those things, however good they were, if only because the bad was so much worse than the good was ever good. I know, know, know it’s ridiculous to think of undoing a mistake; there is that famous quote that goes, “The only real mistakes are the ones from which we learn nothing from.” But the truth of the matter is, some things are best left forgotten. You think it’s over and done with, you think you can just walk away and let it all go, but you never really can. People wonder. People ask. People prod. And as best as you can, you talk about it, because talking is supposed to help you move on. And if you’ve moved on, all the more you should be able to talk about it. But what happens if you can never really let it go, unless you replace it? There is no ‘moving on’ if you move on to nothing. And so I wish people would stop wondering, stop asking, stop prodding; I wish I could be allowed to stop talking about it. I want a do-over. I want my clean slate. Irrational as I was in throwing away almost all physical reminder of it, what remains is still strong enough to make it hurt all over again - though, perhaps, less each time. But less is not none. Less, still hurts. It makes me want to chase down that irrationality and rid myself of everything. You don’t move on to nothing. I don’t move on to nothing.
I’m sorry this is so incoherent, again.
And I love this SecretZen:
