What 51 Years Doesn’t Mean to Me
This is a long one that’s been a long time coming.
It is always difficult to talk about Malaysia to non-Malaysians; and I wonder how I will do it next year when I’m tucked away in a dorm full of international students. I honestly wonder if there is anything good I have to say about our country, beyond the amazing nasi lemak and char kuey teow and what nice, warm weather we get all year long. Everything about our nation feels so flawed and it confuses me because what is is that we are not blessed with? We have land so fertile that if you dig and you don’t find oil, you can damn well plant it instead. We have that fantastic weather and climate that assures us we never have to learn how to protect ourselves from tsunamis or earthquakes. But then you must ask, why is it that we are not even a world player, much less a champion? Why is it the only time I read or hear about Malaysia in international news is when they are highlighting our terrible manners, our corruption, the unbelievable repeated accusations of sodomy against Anwar Ibrahim, or banning and subsequently unbanning Avril’s concert which would no doubt rake in hell of a lot of money (and not just from locals) because it’s too sexy?
I should really sit here and think about telling all those people abroad about our “beautiful tourist destinations”, our “peace and harmony among our multiracial people”, or more of those key phrases you learned in public school to write essays about Malaysia. But all I really think about is what an epic failure our infamous apathetic tidak apa attitude is and how much I worry about lacking in the right education and mindset when I leave this country.
Think tourism and if you can get past the Tourism Minister who apparently thinks bloggers are the problem in our country, think about some of our cabbies. Who can forget the rigged meters and supposed “midnight surcharges”, the ones constantly out to cheat people and not just tourists but even Malaysians who know damn well that a 7-minute cab ride in the middle of the morning should not cost you RM40. And I think of the disillusionment among people in the law enforcement of our country; how we no longer bother to report minor but rampant acts that make all of us seethe, because we know nothing will come out of it. No one bothers giving feedback or demanding accountability and action anymore because there’s a general feeling of “What’s the point?”
51 years of independence approaches and I wonder why we will have to wait for another decade or two to weed out the older generation and celebrate the wave of young voters who embrace this surging wave of change. There is the mentality that a vote is for the party, not the person, and if our forefathers voted for a party that helped them through some bad economic patches, then hey let’s vote that party too. If they could serve you well 50 years ago, that should convince you that all these lies, corruption and political gaffes can be disregarded, right?
All I feel when I read the papers is how deceitful our political situation feels nowadays. It’s one scandal after another; let one serious accusation hog the limelight for a month until it starts getting double-digit page numbers in the newspaper, then make another accusation to grab the front page headlines again. It is so cyclical - Opposition accuses, Government denies, Rakyat rages for a week or so until Government forms some sort of suruhanjaya or panel to investigate i.e. pretend to do something for a few weeks until the Rakyat stops caring and starts forgetting, and declare the matter done with. And wait a couple of days for the next big accusation to come, so we can all rage, demand and forget once again.
Major changes are underway right now but people are basically the divided into three categories. First are the jaded who believe that we should oppose all these idealistic thoughts of a new Government, with their promises of a better, cleaner Malaysia. They believe that bread-and-butter issues like lowering petrol prices are far more important than civil rights issues like the blatant censorship in banning a website that only looks to tell us all about the lies that the mainstream media cannot for fear of the power of the Government. The fact that our executives hide behind our legislature while fiddling with the judiciary in their pockets is not a problem, so long as there is (cheap) food on the table and (subsidised) fuel in the car.
The second are those who are ready to see some kind of change, or at least take the risk of making a change and hope that it is for the better. Needless to say these are either the young and hopeful, or the older but well off; people who are comfortable enough in life, whose financial needs are safe so why not fight for democracy and human rights equal to that of the great nations like the US and the UK? No big secret that this entire argument is one-sided because I’d love to someday be a part of this group. I’d love to know that when I turn 21, I get to check the right box on the ballot slip and fight for something more. But here’s the question to anyone who falls into this category: who are you fighting for? Are you looking to further your comfort or to fight for your brothers who would be lucky to have half of what you have? It’s also no big secret that the only reason I can feel the way I feel is because I have nothing else to worry about in life so why not worry about this.
And the third, and possibly the saddening majority are the apathetic who really do not give a damn because they have either seen too much to believe in anything, or seen too little to know that it will someday affect them, whether or not they realise it now. The apathetic include he who believes this has nothing to do with him, because our country is so doomed that migration is the only hope left. Let the stubborn and the hopeful fight it out while we flee to better shores. It’s just like a certain someone once announced in Parliament - don’t like it, get out. Because this is apparently the way our idolised democratic countries like America got to where they are today - migrating to other countries. Right?
Think “harmonious multiracial nation” and consider how bitter the Chinese about the education and economic benefits the Malays get, all the while knowing that the only reason we are, in general, better off than most of the other races is because we work harder to fight this imposed disadvantage. I consider how the Indians are tired of being forgotten, even by their supposed representatives, so much so that the only way they can make the rest of us remember that they are important is by taking to the streets. I consider how often the phrase “social contract” has been waved around, to a point where I am no longer sure if it is a means to an end or an end in itself.
I used to think that the problem was with the politicians and not the people; that at the ground level all of us get along with our fellow Malaysians, which can only mean that the blame should be put on our 51 years of racial politicking that has only worsened with promises of soaking someone’s keris in Chinese blood (if I may add, whose follow-up apology was not for the principle behind the act, but for the outrage that might have been by it). No doubt that half our politicians are guilty of fueling this… this ethnocentrism. But lately I feel as though there is a clear problem at the ground level and that we ourselves are to blame for all this.
Yes, we argue that we get along just fine with people of other races who speak different languages, and I can happily say that some of my closest friends are of different races than I am. But I go to college everyday and I see the Chinese sitting with the Chinese, the Malays with the Malays and the Indians with the Indians. Apparently Malaysians do not sit with Malaysians anymore. I go to lunch at a coffeeshop with my Indian friend and I cannot eat my plate of chap fan without raging, because he notices that people stare as I am yellow and he is brown.
I never really believe that we are all okay, just because I am okay. I cannot be so blind as to think that my upper middle class life represents the Malaysian life. When I go abroad, I will describe where I live as a town where I can take a break from my RM25,000 private college education and drink a RM14 cup of coffee while four beggars come to my table over one hour. I will tell them how everyone thinks I’m doing more harm than good by always giving them my loose change; how I am feeding their laziness; how I am encouraging syndicates of fake beggars who are all cheats. You don’t need to tell me all the arguments against giving when someone asks, I already know them. The question is, do you know why I give when I am in a position to do so without being the slightest bit inconvenienced? I will gladly risk having my money cheated if it means that I might actually be able to help someone who really needs it. Altruism aside, I admit I have an overactive guilt conscience and if I can do something to appease it, then I will.
I will also tell them how I spent 17 years of my life thinking that I live in a town where we are all middle-classed, upper middle-classed or downright affluent, because I went to a public school and never saw any sign of clear poverty there. And I will tell them how it took me 18 years to realise that the reason for that is that the poor in this town are so poor that they cannot even afford to go to public school, where everything is already so heavily subsidised that the rest of us think of it as a free education. And that the only reason I learned of such families living in this town is because our newly elected assemblymanwoman blogged about it. My life is so sheltered with comfort that I have to read about these things that are mere kilometres away from me, but I will never see for myself.
Everyone knows I love watching and reading about our sessions at the Dewan Rakyat. Tomorrow, I get to wake up for brunch and watch as the people we ourselves elected go through another catfight in that entertainment ring we used to call Parliament as they figure out another budget. Hopefully there will be more name-calling and jeering because it is all the more entertaining for us viewers at home. If we are all lucky, someone will make a snotty remark to Anwar in his first day back of Parliament and more verbal exchanges will erupt from there. And, this is really unlikely but if we pray hard enough, they might start picking up chairs and tossing them at each other ala Taiwanese parliamentary sessions. After that, I get to read the papers about how the DNA bill they are trying to put through is a good thing because in other countries, “like you see in CSI: Miami and CSI: NY“, have similar laws. Yes, it’s always reassuring to know that you elected people who build our country based on TV shows.
So, this 31st August, what will you be celebrating? I’m celebrating all I think there really is - amazing nasi lemak and char kuey teow, and nice, warm weather (though it has been raining a lot lately, hasn’t it).